Wednesday 1st March 2017
This morning is off to a better start than yesterday. I am wearing my new pants – I have avoided buying larger pants for a while now because it felt like giving in, but when the pain of sitting in the office in too-tight jeans got all too much, I caved and went shopping. Now I sit here wondering why I put myself through the discomfort for the last few months. Tight pants are like having someone in your ear all day saying “you’ve plumped up, haven’t you?” – bigger pants allow for denial. Once I start looking longingly at those jeggings on the infomercials, it will be time to face facts. Until then – new pants, hurrah!
I had a session with my leadership coach today. At one point, she asked me to list the traits I like about myself. Interestingly, I started listing my skills. When I had to think of the traits about myself I really liked, I had a block. For every nice trait I thought of, my brain threw up a vision of all the times I had not embodied such an attribute. My coach actually had to tell me the traits she thought were nice about me, so I wrote those down.
It was a good unveiling of just how hard on myself I really am, without even realising it. For every nice thought I have about myself, there is a counter-thought waiting in the wings. This means that as I move along the path, I am constantly slowing my own pace. For every step forward I take, I yank myself back. This self-awareness is incredibly valuable – I can learn all the business or leadership techniques in the world, but if I don’t watch out for the unhelpful thoughts, I will continue to halt my own momentum.
Much love, Katie x