This is often the response I get from people when they find out I’m a blogger.
As it is a frequently asked question, I thought it is something I would address in a post. Trust me, I have my moments. Usually I’m driving and I will think about it a little too hard. I pose in my fave clothes on the internet. How strange is that. I’m a blogger – god it’s so cliche. But then I remind myself of the why…
They say that when we find our true life purpose, often we can track it right back to our childhood. Like this quiet knowing that has always been there, waiting for us to discover it. Well, when I was a little girl at kindergarten in Rangiora, all I wanted to do every playtime was play dress-ups. When I think back to that dress-up corner I swoon. It was set up like the perfect walk-in wardrobe, with old bridesmaid dresses and pearls and gloves and pinnies. All the items were kept on racks, a hatstand and in big baskets. Every single day, that was all I wanted to do. Sometimes a friend would join me, sometimes I would happily pick out an outfit alone – quite content in only the company of the silk and lace.
Years passed and I would slip back and forth between wanting to be a doctor and wanting to work in fashion. My pull towards medicine was just as strong as my pull towards clothing. I was constantly conflicted. At University I was the happiest when I worked my nights in the surgical department of the hospital and my Sunday in a retail shoe store. Although my boyfriend at the time never saw me, I was able to be both of the people who were fighting it out inside my head.
Every time I have tried to move into the fashion industry, the fit hasn’t been quite right. I realised my love is really for costume, not fashion per se. I’m not obsessed with labels, but how a girl or guy puts an outfit together. I love that our daily costume can be an expression of who we are, or how we want to be seen. For this reason, I enjoy seeing how the goth on the street has put an outfit together, just as much as the girl dripping in designers as she brunches on Sunday. I got all tingly looking at the gowns whilst watching the Cinderella movie and the vintage wardrobe on Age of Adaline. True style is absolutely everywhere and is quite removed from current trends.
But, I also love science. I had to try to find a way to have both lives in one. And that has not been easy at times.
My ultimate dream is to have my own business in fashion – the particulars of which, I am still hashing out. My other dream is to style for a movie or TV series one day and write a screenplay. Styling for movies is the perfect mix of fashion and neuroscience. It requires you to get into the mind of the character – to look through their eyes and decide how that person would dress themselves every day. It’s intimate – stepping out of yourself and into someone else.
So here’s the thing. I’m not going back to do any more University study! I’ve studied most of my life and I have no interest in going to fashion school. But that doesn’t mean I have given up on my dream. I’m not disregarding this other self inside me.
The opportunities I want are not going to magically appear. Until I figure it out, I have to work steadily away on my future. Then, when that opportunity knocks and someone says to me – how badly do you want this? What have you been doing to gear yourself towards this moment?
I can say – check out this little corner of the internet I have been carving out. Then you will see how badly I want this…
Sometimes, rather than just wishing and hoping that someone will come along and offer us the chance to be whatever we have always wanted to be – we just have to go and be it. The rest will take care of itself.
Much love XX