For a long time now, I have resisted the turtleneck. I don’t even know when exactly I went off them. I think it all started in childhood.
When I was little I had but one single Barbie. Just one. I think Mum wanted me to grow up with a more realistic view of a woman’s body. Come to think of it, I’m not even sure Barbie was the real deal. She might have been a second-rate Cindy.
Anyway, one day whilst in the bath, Barbie-Cindy-whatever took a beautiful swan dive into the water and broke her neck. Her head snapped clean off. I was distraught. But, Dad-to-the-rescue informed his sad child that he could perform surgery on the doll, no problem, good as new.
He came back into the room holding my little friend, with her head reattached. The only problem was that he had to push the head on so far that it sat right on top of her shoulders. She had not an inch of neck left.
She was grotesque. I felt terrible but I just couldn’t love her unconditionally. She looked as though she had a disorder.
I guess these days when I put on a turtleneck and my own neck disappears inside the jumper, I’m reminded of my very odd looking doll. However, as the weather has started to cool I have had this creeping desire to snug up inside a chunky turtleneck jumper.
To make myself feel better about the turtleneck, I have compiled a few reasons why the jumper is an essential staple:
1) If you are having a hormonal break out on your chin, you can hide it inside the neck of your jumper and just call it faaaassshuuuuun.
2) If you have recently had a facelift, but your neck still looks 55 – this jumper will keep your secret.
3) If you were drinking tequila and ended up making out with a 19 year old at 3am, you can disguise your love bites.
4) If you’re a shocker when it comes to picking the right foundation shade, your make-up faux pas will be less noticeable when wearing your trusty turtleneck.
5) If you are someone (like myself) who when you get embarrassed (trying to talk to men), even your neck and chest goes red – nobody will know! You can flush ’til your heart’s content and maintain that air of mystery you are trying so hard to exude.
Number 5 is reason enough for me.
Much love XX
Images from pinterest