So it turns out socialising is like a muscle that must be flexed. Especially in terms of talking to the opposite sex. I knew I had been out of the game a long time, but I had no idea how much my ability to small talk with a guy had declined…drastically. After numerous months spent with only my computer for company, I have reverted back to an insecure teenager. This fact was made painfully obvious to me at music school.
There is a good-looking gentleman who has a class at the same time as me. Each week, we arrive around the same time, we have to squeeze onto a tiny couch together – practically touching shoulders – and yet we never speak to one another. Not even a friendly Hi! It is as though we are terrified of each other. He looks at his music, I pretend to read a magazine.
A couple of weeks ago, I scaled the stairs and there he was, sitting on the couch with his guitar – all good hair, kind face, nice shirt and generally clean looking. I sat in my usual spot next to him and the silence ensued. My inner monologue went a little like this….
Oh god, he just looked at me sideways. I’m looking at him sideways looking at me sideways. I should really say hi. But now the hi will be out of place, because we have been sitting in silence for five whole minutes. If I was going to say hi I should really have said it at the start. It’s too late now. I have to start a conversation instead. How do I start a conversation with a stranger in a music school waiting room. Especially a hot stranger with good hair. If only there was a textbook on this. I love a good textbook. Scan the room for conversation topics. Scanning. Scanning. Hey, that’s a new pot plant in the corner, that wasn’t here last week. It’s a Yucca. Yes, that’s what it is, a Yucca. That’s a good plant choice for a waiting room, Yuccas don’t require much care. I know! I’ll mention the yucca! I’ll ask him what he thinks of the new Yucca! Wait…….Katie. Seriously! How about the new Yucca? Is that really the first piece of small talk you can come up with. Not….hey how are your guitar lessons going? What are you learning at the moment? Instead I’m going to draw his attention to the potted plant. Hey hot guy, did you know that the Yucca is from the Asparagaceae family. Yes that’s right! Just like the asparagus!! DOES THIS INFORMATION MAKE YOU WANT TO SEE ME NAKED?!…..I’m going to be single for the rest of my life….
At that moment, both of our music teachers walked out of their rooms at the same time and greeted us – breaking my thought trail. We both rose from the couch and walked towards our separate rooms. As I walked away I looked back and he smiled at me.
As this day was my final lesson, I guess I will never know what hot guy, with the hair and the nice shirt and the good hygiene thought of the Yucca. But had I asked, I’m going to pretend his answer would have been something like this.
Well do you know what, I was just thinking about that Yucca – and what an excellent choice it was for a waiting room, because they really don’t need much care. And yes, I did know that it is a member of the Asparagaceae family – I just love useless facts. Especially from redheads in music school waiting rooms. I think small talk is totally over-rated. So how is Saturday for Mexican? We can talk about all manner of socially unacceptable topics and then you can fill me in on the merits of a good quality white shirt and a pair of suede ankle boots…
Dreams are free.
Much love XX