My relationship with money has been like a few of the intimate relationships in my life. I’ve felt controlled by it, caged, and at times powerless to it. However, the chains that kept me fastened were always self-imposed.
You see, in a relationship where one is controlled. There is often another party equally responsible – the one allowing the controlling to occur. And why do we do this? Because of the lack of value held for oneself. The lack of belief that we are worthy of better.
What I have realised is that a relationship with money is absolutely no different. If we are unable to value ourselves and our talents, we will forever give up opportunities, sabotage ourselves, and prioritise spending on ‘wants’, neglecting our true ‘needs’.
It is the woman who is offered a ridiculously low wage, but signs the contract anyway, believing she is just lucky to be employed – because who else will hire her. It is the man who under-charges for his services because he is a perfectionist and believes he could have done much better. It is the one partner in a relationship who pays for everything….in the hope of being loved in return. All examples of how placing a lack of value on oneself and one’s abilities can manifest money woes.
Reaching financial freedom often requires some steps in between. To improve our relationship with money and allow it to flow into our lives, we first have to improve our relationship with ourselves. We have to learn to see our own value in the world. What do we have to offer. What makes us good people. What amazing things could we do with that abundance. Valuing ourselves also means making our money work for us and learning to invest it wisely. I don’t mean investment in terms of the stock market. I mean investing in your health, your growth, and your wholeness.
As with any relationship, we must value ourselves and we must value the other. Whatever we direct disdain towards, will send it back to us ten-fold. We must start to respect money for the wonderful tool that it is. We have to stop seeing it as an object that owns us and see it as an energy that could help us to do all the good things we ever wanted to do in the world.
Money is not our enemy. Money is not un-spiritual. We deserve to have our needs met. We deserve good food and shelter. We deserve a membership at the yoga place if it makes us feel mentally and physically well. We deserve to have fun with the people we love and drink our favourite herbal tea. We deserve doctors visits, or natural healing visits if that suits our beliefs more. We deserve a warm jacket in the winter – a pretty, warm jacket in the perfect French navy. We deserve good heating in our homes. We deserve to work less and live more. Because, by meeting our needs in this way, we send a powerful message to our subconscious mind.
I am worthy.
And when one is healthy and certain of their worth in this world, they have the ability to move mountains.
Here are a few of the things I would do if I came into wealth. I challenge you to think about what you would do for your community if you knew money would never run out.
1) I would sponsor 50 children through the Variety Kiwi Kid Sponsorship program.
2) I would pay amazing child psychologists to give free parenting classes in areas of this country that really need it. Helping those who we label ‘incompetent’ but who were often just kids themselves when they got pregnant – those who have never been given guidance or taught about the incredible responsibility of raising a little precious gem daffodil cupcake button.
3) I would donate to the RSPCA and Amnesty International every week.
4) I would create a scholarship for creatives who wanted to start a new endeavour, but didn’t have the money. Whether they wanted to design a clothing line, or paint a series of paintings, or take photos of the French countryside. Just whatever really. Creativity is one of the most important things in this life and actually one of the greatest keys to success, including financial. To nurture one’s creative side is as valuable as a University degree. It teaches us to activate a part of our brain that leads to incredible problem solving abilities and innovation.
What would you do? Answering this question alone will lift your relationship with money to a different level. From one of powerlessness to one of curiosity and appreciation. It will also tell you a little something about what you value and feel passionate about in life.
We must treat our relationship with money like a great marriage. We must love ourselves first. There will be good years and bad years. Sometimes we will want to break up, other times we will feel incredibly blessed, safe and secure. But no matter what, we never give up, we always show respect and above all else, we approach every situation, even the hard ones, with love in our heart.
Much love XX
Photo: Katie Appleyard