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The other day I met a girl from the Czech Republic and we chatted politely about her travels around New Zealand. I asked her if she was working here, or purely sightseeing – she said she was working in a bar. After further chit chat, I asked her which bar she worked at. Without a pause, she leant across to me as if she had a secret, proclaiming “Calendar Girls” at regular volume. And in this moment it all fell into place. I knew in my bones that this girl wasn’t changing the kegs.

Now this is not the point of the story – I have no problem with girls choosing to be strippers. It was what happened next that I found so intriguing.

I stumbled over this new fact a little. I said something along the lines of “Oh! How interesting!” (not my best work). I then did what one often does when unsure what to say – I jabbered – whilst she watched me playfully and listened.

Here’s the thing about this girl. When she informed me of her workplace, it was with a sparkle in her eye. A sparkle that only gleamed brighter as I fell all over myself. She did not avert her gaze when she told me; she did not appear embarrassed. And when she said goodbye she shot me a cheeky smile – as if to say thanks for being so entertaining.

Afterwards I mulled over the situation in my head. And all I could think was – that girl was sexy.

Sure, because of her foreign quality, but mainly because of her attitude. Her security in herself gave her a charm.

I have always been someone who shied away from sexy – too afraid of crossing the line into slutty. However, I have realised that sexy has nothing to do with how someone dresses and everything to do with their attitude. It can not be faked, it has an energy. Without this energy, even a billboard-worthy face appears unfinished.

This got me thinking of all the women that I consider sexy and the habits or quirks they hold that make them so. In bed that night, inspired by my conversation with a pretty European stripper, I compiled a list of what sexy means to me.

When you want to feel strong, I suggest you incorporate one or two of these points into your own daily life.

Sexy is…

Wearing a cotton t-shirt, briefs and scrunch socks at the bench whilst making a morning coffee.

A politely executed no without an explanation.

A girl who is kind and giving, whilst standing firm on her personal boundaries.

A girl who takes herself out to the cafe alone to read the paper.

It is showing shoulder and collarbone over showing cleavage.

Sexy is a girl who knows when to fight and when to let go.

A girl who commits to a life of following her joy, no matter what others think.

Sexy is perfume – always.

It is a girl so secure in herself, she doesn’t feel the need to control the people in her life.

Sexy is jeans, a white t-shirt and a black lace bra – there is power in the understated.

It is a smile not with a mouth, but with the eyes. A smile so warm it washes you clean of your bad day.

Sexy is a girl whose most guarded beauty secrets include laughter, daydreaming, bed hair and above all else, a wild and restless heart.

“You can be gorgeous at thirty, charming at forty, and irresistible for the rest of your life.”

-Coco Chanel

Much love xx

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Hi, I’m Katie. I am a kiwi neuroscientist with a love for consuming and creating content. This site is where I share my personal thoughts and the thoughts of incredible minds from around the world. PhD in Neuroscience, University of Otago.

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